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  • Daniel Pedley

Learning the value of 'F**k it'

Why being selfish sometimes can be fantastic for your mental health.

If you're going to say it, it pays to say it loud.

The challenges of today

With a large succession of challenges that we face in our day-to-day lives, and especially with social media and a seemingly endless supply of frankly scary news stories only amplifying society's so-called 'expectations' of us, it's understandable that you or others that you may know may be struggling with their mental health in one way or another. Social media and other sources aren't all soul-sucking evil demons that destroy a sense of self worth, since they have birthed a plethora of mental health awareness campaigns however, and since awareness of mental health is only progressing further, I feel it is extremely helpful to try and tackle one of today's biggest taboos - Actually putting yourself first. After all, it is often looked down upon to be a selfish person, but could being selfish actually be a good thing for once?

It's time to be 'selfish'

Well that's just it, because it is often assumed that putting your mental health first means that you're being selfish. What's wrong with that, though? The idea that being selfish is a bad thing is a notion that needs revising, since there are times where actually being selfish, by putting your mental health above all else, can be a brilliant thing to do both for yourself and, believe it or not, for others too. Many people rely on their ability to help others, or to be a great person to others and to be around, and there is no denying that this is a good thing. As a matter of fact, you will all know someone who is like this, someone who is reliable, always there for you, will drop things to ensure that you are as right as rain. This person could be friends, family, a significant other, even someone else who has made a gargantuan impact on your life, and some of you will be this person. For that alone, I wish to thank you for making a difference to the lives of so many others but I do want to ask you a very serious question: "Are you okay?". If your mental health needs attending to, if you're having a rough time, and whether you're an emotional power-house, a truly stoic individual, or you're close to bursting into tears because you burnt your tongue on the burrito you made after an awful day that you were really excited for, you just need to be selfish. To put it simply, if your mental health is not good, you will not be able to be fully there for anyone else, no matter how much you want to be able to lend a hand. It is for exactly this reason, that to be able to be selfish and say that you need some 'me time' isn't just acceptable, it should be encouraged.

Whilst buying a sports car isn't the main focus of this mentality, it can be utilised to illustrate that it's important to start.

So, how can I start this?

First of all, you need to be able to recognise where you stand. This can be talking to a therapist, keeping a thought diary, or even just by keeping mindful in your daily life to see how you feel about yourself, and just to generally get an idea about your own mental health. Ultimately, the only person that truly knows you is yourself, and so whilst talking to people can be extremely useful to help decide on how to improve your mental health, to be able to be really introspective and learn to understand yourself is vital to putting yourself first. Aside from the aforementioned ideas, there are other ways to heighten self-awareness such as meditation, trying to be more open with yourself and others, or in certain circumstances talking to a mental health professional if neccessary. Most importantly though is just recognising that you need to be selfish with your mental health, because once you are honest about it, you know exactly where you stand and can start to work on your mental health from then onwards.

What next?

Having spoken in previous blog posts, such as that on resolutions about the value of selfishness, I will be able to go into more detail here, but of course this varies person to person. Once you have recognised where you stand with your mental health, you will be able to start noticing patterns or triggers for stress or other impactful emotions that really play into how you should be selfish with yourself. This could honestly be almost anything. Perhaps you don't feel you align with your job, perhaps a friend is getting on your nerves, a relationship is going awry. Perhaps you have felt something or thought something about someone, and never had the chance to tell them for one reason or another. I could list an almost infinite number of specific examples, but this is where being selfish comes in. Take that day off, go on a holiday on your own or find a different job. Tell your friend that they're being a pain in the arse, and that you need some space, do that thing that you have been wanting to do for years but never felt that you had the courage to do. Ultimately, so long as what you do is not malicious, or hurts or harms someone, people's thoughts and opinions are not tangible and do not have any real impact on who you are, so follow what you feel is best to be able to progress, feel more comfortable or break free of something that may have been holding you down for a while. Furthermore, this can include entirely distancing yourself from someone who is an 'emotional vampire' (someone who uses you as a crutch to their own negativity and can be draining, exhausting and frankly a pain in the arse) because you will be surprised at how much it can set you free not having the sort of nagging parasite sucking the life force away from you, giving you the energy to spend mostly aptly on yourself, but then to those that actually deserve your attention.

"F**k it"

Whilst undergoing my training as a hypnotherapist, I often discussed with my fellow trainees alongside those who were teaching about the value of just saying "F**k it". Never in a dangerous or reckless way, but we were able to find an almost limitless number of situations just on single days learning whereby one could just say exactly that, and we were all dumbfounded at how much more comfortable it made us feel. It is something I have personally applied to my own life here and there, and sometimes being able to just say it and put myself first has made the difference between feeling proud of myself, accomplished and successful and restless at night wondering why I never went for it. If you never try, you never know. Apply for that job. Book that holiday. Tell that person how you feel and ask them out on a date. Say sorry for something you regret, not just for them but for you too. Give yourself space from that person or thing that is getting you down. Pull a 'sickie' just for you. Run a bath just to chill. Buy that takeaway. Get that gym membership. Tell that sarcastic joke. Buy the shoes.

F**k it.

How I can help

Being able to recognise how to help with your own mental health and how to put yourself first can be a struggle. It can often be hard to understand where to begin if you are having a hard time. It can be equally tough to know where to continue or to build up the courage when you do. And that is exactly where I come in. Through a treatment programme that is as bespoke as I can make it, by working with us at Piper Therapy Services we can discuss how to recognise the help you need, to start and finally to continue how to put yourself first and to utilise the true power of the "F**k it". In working with us, we can help you to try and put yourself first, to truly use the mantra and to teach you and educate you on self-hypnosis, so that when we finish working together, you are equipped with new skills that you can use to help you to tackle things that life may throw your way. What are you waiting for? Contact us today and arrange a free phone call.

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