And no, dutch courage does not count.

Need that extra push in life? Improving your confidence may be more useful than a calculator in a maths test.
So what actually is it?
So many 'internet gurus' often preach about the value of confidence, but something I often notice and discuss with my clients is that many people don't actually know what confidence is, or how to recognise it. "Picture this..." They'll say, "Imagine finding yourself on stage in front of 1000 people or more. Hard right? Now imagine that every single audience member is simply sat in their underwear or some kind of silly makeup on with feathers and honking noises" and this is something that we have all heard some variation of at some stage in some shape or form. One thing however that often people forget when taking this approach is that whilst it's great for some people (albeit terrifying for others) to reduce their anxiety, and that anxiety and confidence can often be entirely bipolar to one another, is that imagining people in the audience looking silly might make a presentation or performance more amusing but it will not give you more confidence in yourself. Confidence then is a feeling of faith or trust in oneself, and so when developing it, it's vital to look at aspects of yourself that can actually build this feeling. With the start of the new year often prompting people to start new things, change themselves or improve on something that is already great, there is never a better time to work on your confidence than the present.
I have absolutely no confidence. Where do I start?
Many people feel as though they have no confidence or struggle with the idea of it entirely. As such, it's important for me to cover where to start so that no matter where you are at this given moment, your confidence levels can increase faster than a flock of seagulls at the sight of an exposed ice cream. Becoming aware of your confidence levels can be vital to improving them, even if your confidence in yourself is comparatively low. This is because just like any other skills in life, improving your confidence requires some self-awareness to track your progress. Begin by assessing what you can do in your desired situation, whether that's struggling with starting a project on your own for example, struggling to discuss feelings or speaking publicly to name a few. Essentially, by figuring out where you wish to best use your confidence, you can set goals and to develop your confidence and will quickly realise how applicable to many aspects of life your new-found confidence will be. Once you know where you want your confidence for, put yourself in a test situation, for example for more confidence over the phone, phone up a pizza delivery company and order something (assuming of course that pizza is to your taste, but if not, you get the idea). This can be used as your baseline and point of comparison so you can monitor your progress as your confidence builds.

Wanting to start something you've considered for ages? This might give you what you need to start.
Cranking up the confidence
Once the baseline has been established, it's time to work on boosting your confidence! Often, many things that can improve it can be fairly simple and unexpected, with some things you may not have really considered simply on the basis that they are so straightforward:
Ensure that you challenge yourself. Are your confidence goals actually needed for that which you wish to achieve? With a healthy level of self-competition, you're far more likely to gain greater confidence pushing yourself out of your comfort zone in something known as 'The zone of proximal development". This was coined by Vygotsky as part of his theory of learning and development, and whilst it is traditionally used specifically for learning, if you treat confidence as a skill then improving it is learning. The zone in question is defined as the zone between what somebody finds easy and what somebody cannot do without help or guidance from another. In the context of confidence, this means push yourself into situations that you do not feel are easy for you or that you already have sufficient confidence for, but are not so overwhelming that you cannot tackle them unless somebody else were to take over your role for you. This will quickly help you to realise how capable you actually are. Try it and see.
Keep your focus on growth. By keeping your mindset fixed on gaining more confidence and improving, you'll be able to spot more opportunities to grow your confidence as they appear since it's on your mind. For example, if you wish to improve your presence on stage, and go out with some friends and pass a karaoke bar, seize the chance to use it for development. Even if your stage presence is not needed for singing, simply putting yourself in a situation where people are focused on you can help to develop maintaining the attention of an audience which is vital for stage. Another example for something less social would be to collaborate with a friend on their project before you start your own, so you can get a feel for where your strengths lie. A phenomental advantage of a growth mindset is that it allows someone to see gaps in knowledge or skills as opportunities for improvement, so in context you would be able to see what you need to work on before you start your own project, or even more specifically, to know where you need to build your confidence. By both realising where your strengths lie, and by knowing you will get better at something, your confidence improves from both angles, so this is a bit of a 'double whammy'.
Practise self-care. This could be as simple as ensuring that you get good sleep to maintain feeling rested but can be especially broad. By taking part in hobbies that you enjoy, you can improve your mood. By experimenting with how you like to look, whether that's your hair, dress sense, accessories or cosmetics, you can feel your best. By eating the right foods for you, you can feel more energised. By making sure you have time to rest and don't push yourself too hard, you reduce your stress levels. This list is far from exhaustive, however by having a good self-care routine, you feel at your absolute best and this is paramount to maintaining your levels of self-confidence; when you feel your best it often shows, you gain more confidence and then you feel even better, it's entirely cyclical.
Form healthy relationships. This may seem less obvious, however forming and maintaining healthier relationships can build confidence because they build us up. Often, others can help us to realise our value, imbuing us with confidence on the knowledge of how others feel about us, what we have done for others and how we have ourselves made others feel. Much like self-care, this can be entirely cyclical for confidence and whilst as a therapist I would always recommend that relationships are maintained in a healthy, positive manner, with confidence they can be especially pertinent because we have a habit of tying our confidence to the opinions of others. Consequently, knowing that others have high opinions of us can give a boost like inserting a battery into an electronic toy. However, it is also worth noting that this should not be relied on, since we should feel the confidence in ourselves instead of acquiring it solely from others. Think then that this is more of the icing on the cake of confidence, as opposed to the cream filling used to layer it.
Is there any other options?
Like many things in life, there are more ways to increase your confidence than you can shake a stick at, and since we are all individual, it's always a great suggestion to experiment and discover what works best for you. Consider this: Since no two people are the same, no two people have the same confidence goals, and thus nobody should approach improving their confidence the same way. Along similar lines to forming positive relationships in your day-to-day life because they can build you up, it can also be useful to seek help in the form of therapy. An effective therapist should be able to develop a strategic and well-structured plan to help with improving your confidence, regardless of your starting point. At Piper Therapy Services, since we develop our plans for clients for the individual, seeing us for improving your confidence will be approached together with a plan that is as bespoke as we can possibly offer. From seeing you as an individual, to working around your life goals and aspirations, and collaborating with you to write a comprehensive strategy that will be far more effective for you working around your life and commitments, we aim to provide the best therapy service that we can. What are you waiting for? Contact myself at Piper Therapy Services and see what I can do to work on your confidence today.
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